Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
