I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
