well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
