Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.

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(949): View more from California

i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way

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(914): View more from New York

she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car

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(870): View more from Arkansas

Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.

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(480): View more from Arizona

I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.

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(208): View more from Idaho

only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up

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