What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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