i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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