There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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