New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
