i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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