Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
