just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
