im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Oh god it's open bar.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
