I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
