Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
