I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
