ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
