I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
