Whod you bang
I wish I could punch you in the face.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
This house was built for laser tag.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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