She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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