Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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