it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
