she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
