People with herpes should wear stickers.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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