I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
