Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
