Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
