Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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