what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
