my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
