I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
