I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
