after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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