A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
This house was built for laser tag.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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