Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
