OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
