Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
