but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Please don't give away my fajitas
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
