she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
