I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
