I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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