the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
