I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
This is my gift to your gina
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
