I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
