so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
