I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
