just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
