Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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