I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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