i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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