I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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