obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
