fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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