If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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