That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
