I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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