I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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