Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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