question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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