i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
