You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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