Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
