when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
