and you said cock pushups were impossible
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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