Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
