he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
