He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
