"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
