For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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